Strategies for discussing the unexpected loss of a child with our young ones
In a tragic turn of events, the remains of three-year-old Daniel Aruebose were found in a north Dublin field. The discovery has sent shockwaves through the community, and parents are left wondering how to approach this sensitive topic with their children.
While experts have not specifically discussed how parents in Ireland should communicate with their children of different ages about Daniel's death, it's crucial to remember that open and honest conversations can help children cope.
For young children, it may be helpful to keep routines steady and reassure them that they are safe. If a young child asks about Daniel's death, Dr Joanne Fortune suggests saying, "a little boy died, and lots of people are working very hard to find out what happened."
As children grow older, they may require more information and support. For children aged 8 to 12, be vigilant for changes in behaviour such as loss of appetite, tears, clinginess, or sleep difficulties. Respond to these changes with nurturing actions, such as watching a film together.
Thirteen- to 18-year-olds may need reassurance and clarification about the information they are seeing on social media platforms like TikTok. Dr Malie Coyne, the psychology lead for the Lust for Life mental health program for primary and secondary schools, suggests telling children that they can ask anything and that if answers are not known, they will be found later.
In times of tragedy, communities often come together to support each other. Some parents living near the excavation site may need support before speaking with their children about the situation. It's essential to remember that it's okay for a child to know that their parent is upset, and seeking support from friends, family, or professionals can be helpful.
The Lust for Life mental health program is designed to support children during times of tragedy such as the discovery of Daniel's remains. Dr Coyne emphasises the importance of expressing one's own feelings as a good starting point for conversation when discussing difficult topics with teenagers.
When it comes to watching the news, Dr Joanne Fortune suggests being mindful of the content children are exposed to. She suggests watching television news when children are in bed and keeping the audio off if watching news on phones when with children. When traveling with children, she suggests switching from news channels to music to create a more peaceful environment.
In conclusion, open and honest conversations, maintaining routines, and seeking support when needed are key to helping children cope with tragedy. It's important to remember that children can deal with more than you think if you tell them the truth and reassure them that they are safe and that the police are working to understand what happened.
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