Strategies for Self-Compassion: Empowering Your Journey Towards Achieving Objectives
New Year, New Mindset:
Whether you love 'em or hate 'em, New Year's resolutions can stir up some strong emotions. For some, the idea of reinventing oneself represents a fresh start, while others view it as a marketing gimmick to sell gym memberships and diet products. So, what's the real deal? According to experts, it's all about your mindset.
Jane Compson, an associate professor at the University of Washington Tacoma, sheds light on this divisive topic: "It's a matter of perspective. For some, it's about the belief that you're not confined by your past mistakes; you can create new outcomes and adopt new behaviors. For others, it's an unrealistic expectation to become a whole new person."
So, how can you embrace self-acceptance and work towards self-improvement? Compson suggests the practice of self-compassion.
What is Self-Compassion?
Defined by leading expert Kristin Neff as a process of turning compassion inward, self-compassion means being kind instead of judgmental towards yourself, recognizing suffering and inadequacy as part of the human experience, and being mindful instead of ignoring or over-identifying with emotions.
For instance, if your goal is to exercise more in the new year, practicing self-compassion might mean:
- Kindness: ("I want to exercise for my health. This is a way I'm taking care of myself" versus "I'm so lazy. I'll never be fit enough.")
- Common Humanity: ("Starting a new workout routine is hard. Struggling is normal" versus "Everyone else has a fitness routine. I'm the only one falling behind.")
- Mindfulness: ("I'm feeling frustrated with my progress. This emotion will pass, and it's okay to feel this way right now" versus "I can't handle this frustration. Why did I think I could do this?")
In essence, self-compassion means cutting yourself some slack.
Self-Compassion and Resolution-Setting
Some may hesitate to practice self-compassion, fearing that their inner critic is what motivates them to improve. But research suggests otherwise. Losing yourself in self-criticism can actually derail your progress, according to Ty Lostutter, a clinical psychologist and associate professor at the UW School of Medicine.
This phenomenon, known as the "abstinence violation effect," is borrowed from addiction research. For example, someone who cheats on their diet and then berates themselves might end up binge-eating to cope with feelings of shame or guilt. In the context of exercise, this could translate to skipping a workout, beating oneself up over it, and then turning to Netflix to escape negative emotions.
Research has shown that people perform better, are more engaged, and experience more joy when they're kind to themselves. Self-compassion helps individuals embrace their current state, accept mistakes, and work towards behavior changes they find valuable.
Tips for Self-Compassionate Resolution-Setting
Setting resolutions with self-compassion in mind can lead to a more nuanced and effective approach:
- Embrace the Challenge: Don't expect behavior change to be easy. Acknowledging the difficulty will help prevent surprises or setbacks.
- Set SMART Goals: Choose specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound goals to build momentum towards your vision.
- Align Goals with Values: Consider the why behind your goal. Set resolutions based on your own values, rather than societal or external expectations.
- Treat Yourself as a Friend: Speak to yourself as you would to a beloved friend. Negative self-talk is counterproductive; switch it up with an uplifting inner dialogue.
- Celebrate your Wins: However small, celebrate your achievements. Recognizing your progress will help boost your confidence and motivation.
With self-compassion, New Year's resolutions become a journey towards personal growth and transformation, rather than a daunting list of expectations. Wishing you a happy, healthy, and compassionate new year!
"When setting New Year's resolutions, such as focusing on health-and-wellness by exercising more, it's essential to practice self-compassion. This can involve being kind to oneself, recognizing struggles as part of the human experience, and being mindful instead of critical. For instance, instead of calling oneself 'lazy' for not meeting expectations, you might say, 'I want to exercise for my well-being, and this is a way I'm taking care of myself.'"
"Research shows that self-compassion, rather than self-criticism, leads to better performance and more joy. By embracing challenges, setting SMART goals, aligning goals with personal values, treating oneself as a friend, and celebrating achievements, one can approach New Year's resolutions as a journey toward personal growth and transformation, rather than a list of unattainable expectations."
